The Celebrations and Commemorations

You were showered with love on many occasions. My best friend here in Austin, Kelsey Edwards, offered to throw a shower with Mandy Krutsinger, and then you also had one in Houston thrown by Camille, Ms. Gretchen, . 

Both events were awesome. In Houston, lots of old family friends and high school friends came to celebrate you. We got a ridiculous amount of stuff. The theme was favorite books so many people brought their favorites for you. We also got the stroller set from your Taylor grandparents so that we super nice. In Austin, the set up and decorations were gorgeous and we got lots of great stuff from my friends at work and church. GiGi got you the revamped rocking chair, made a pillow, and got the bedding set for your crib. We had so much stuff for you, but the best part was being with a lot of people that I don’t get to see often enough and celebrating this new part of my life – waiting for you to make your debut. 

While I was in Houston, GiGi and I went out to take maternity pictures. I may have been a little too gutsy standing up on waterfalls while 37 weeks pregnant but they turned out pretty cute. We had to stuff my tummy and lay on pillows at some points to make my stomach look as pregnant as I was. Fortunately, you didn’t take up a lot of space and between you and the gestational diabetes and throwing up, I hadn’t gained much weight at all. In the nick of time, daddy and I also went out in Austin with Uncle Chance and took couple’s maternity pictures too. It was all business with your dad and I was pretty tired on my feet by this time marching around south Congress looking for photo opportunities, but they also turned out pretty cute. We got them taken just before you came so it was great timing on our part and yours! 

Hey There Delilah

Your daddy and I had gotten a package deal with the ultrasound boutique. At this point, I was getting a bunch of ultrasounds between necessary ones with the doctor and the perinatalogist for the gestational diabetes, but before I knew that would be happening, I had already purchased this package. It consisted of two 3D/4D ultrasounds where we got to see you first at 18 weeks then at 33 weeks. Both times we got lots of pictures and video clips of the experience. We went to the first consultation just the three of us – me, daddy, and you. Then, GiGi came with us for the final ultrasound. I’m so glad that we did this. It was pretty amazing to see you. The first time you resembled Lord Voldemort a little bit but now you were plumper and more baby-like. I could see my nose on you and we were a little nervous you had daddy’s ears. You were sucking on your hands and your foot at one point. Don’t worry you found those hands again after birth very quickly for soothers. It was an awesome experience to meet you so early. It made it very real despite the daily kicks that were my constant reminders. 

As for your name, it was a long time coming. I wanted a name that was not super common but not too crazy either. Your daddy surprisingly agreed to an uncommon name. I was so sure that he would want a run-of-the-mill name, but he came up with some of the most unique recommendations. We started with the top 100 names list and we each highlighted our top ten choices. There were not many common highlights. We started this process back when we thought you might still be a boy. We had more boy names in common than girl names. Another problem was me working at the children's hospital. I would like a name then I would have a crazy or super sad case with the same name and it would ruin it. I kept coming back to one of my favorite names, Lily. Unfortunately, your Aunt Taryn beat me to the punch on this name and used it for your cousin's middle name. I was playing off of variations of this name when I came up with Lilah. I really liked it. It seemed unique but still had the Lily flavor. Then I stepped it up to Delilah and I thought this name was pretty, cute, and I had not seen a Delilah at the hospital yet. I figured you would have lots of options with it too. When you get old enough to care, you could choose from Delilah, Lilah, or Lily - or frankly whatever you want. The middle name was easy. We wanted to honor someone in our family by passing to you a family member's name and it was second nature to me to pick Jean. Your daddy's grandmother was one of the most amazing women I have ever met and it breaks my heart that you won't have the opportunity to meet her when you get here. I know that she would have loved you. When I first met her, she loved me instantly without reservation and without judgement. She was graceful, kind, and selfless. She had served so many people through missions for the church and just in her daily life. Everyone that knew her spoke so highly of her. She was such a warm presence to be around. Even when things were the worst for her, she maintained an amazing demeanor with ever present faith, love, and hope. With her name, I hope that you are constantly reminded of a wonderful woman who I know is watching over you now and loves you very much too! 

The Illness Called Pregnancy

Now for the negatives. You were not a bundle of joy inside the womb. I’m calling it. I did not like being pregnant. There were moments where it was exciting and amazing, but there were many more moments were it was not. I was sick about 5 or 6 times a day everyday for about 7 months of the pregnancy. Now we aren’t talking mild nausea but full-on vomiting multiple times a day - again EVERYDAY! I already loved the whole idea of you, but this was torture. It started about 8 weeks into the pregnancy with mild nausea. I started using ginger gum and acupressure wrist bands. Then it got worse and I stepped it up to Zofran - so much Zofran. I got my first refill prescription from a doctor in the ER at work because I was so miserable that I couldn’t wait the whole weekend to call my doctor for a refill. Working full time did not help either. Running around on my feet for twelve hours with high intensity cases was tough when I had to keep running out of the rooms to throw up. Everyone kept telling me it was because you were a girl or (my favorite) don’t worry, you won’t remember this later. I still remember. It’s hard to forget throwing up so hard that you pee on yourself a little every time - all new kinds of embarrassing. But to add insult to injury, I find out at about 28 weeks that I not only have hyper-emesis but I also have gestational diabetes. There was no history on either side of our families of diabetes – during pregnancy or otherwise. My numbers were subtle and thankfully I could manage it with dietary changes alone rather than medication. I did have to prick myself four times daily to take blood glucose levels. I quickly was able to take that down to a couple of times a week to maintain good numbers because for the first time in my life, I was intense with my diet - only for you baby girl. It was difficult though as a no sugar and low carb diet would be hard for anyone, but especially for me who pretty much lives on pasta and pizza. Daddy took me out for one last Double Dave’s pizza buffet before committing to the diet. The one benefit of gestational diabetes was seeing a specialist once a month for the duration of the pregnancy. I got to have an ultrasound each time and see you again. You were pretty cute even in-utero. The one scary thing is that each time they would tell me how huge you were and that you were going to be a fat baby – an anticipated possible outcome of a gestational diabetes case. My numbers were looking good but you kept getting bigger. I had to get stricter with my diet to manage it. I even went to the doctor 8/1/12 and they told me that you were still on “the big side” and if you went full term that you would be 9-10 pounds. Looking back, I definitely still remember the difficulty with the pregnancy, but what I am most surprised with is how eager I would be to do it all again if I had to because of what a wonderful outcome I had - because of you - the baby who was most definitely not on "the big side". 

The Gender Reveal

Like I said, I had a few more ultrasounds than most others by this point because of my friends in the ER. The story here is in the details. On the 16^th, I had an ultrasound at work with a few nurse friends that were adamant that you were a boy. They printed me a picture and told me what was what. Awkwardly, a male doctor that happened to be working that night also came in to see what we were doing and decided to dive in and help out. I did not know him as well as the girls I was working with so it was a little weird, but he was the one who said that it was too early to tell gender. Despite the doctor’s words, I was starting to celebrate the news. I told your daddy that you were a boy while he was waking up the morning I came home from work. I shook him a little and said you are going to have a son. He was thrilled – he even almost woke up a little which is a big deal for your dad that early in the morning. Then along comes the 21^st when we went to have our anatomy ultrasound at the Austin Perinatal office. The woman who was performing the ultrasound was super quick and efficient and just went on warp speed through the ultrasound. She did ask if we wanted to know the gender, and she did not really dwell on it or make it dramatic like they do in the movies. But, we were definitely shocked like they show in the movies because instead of saying it’s a boy as we had expected she told us you were a little girl! To be honest, I cried a little in the car when we left the office. It was not because I was not thrilled to have you, but I had mentally prepared myself for a little boy and considering how much of a tomboy that I was, I thought I would be better equipped to be a basketball player’s mom than a ballerina's mom. I also thought that your dad would be more excited with a baby boy so I felt like I was disappointing him. It took us a little time to wrap our heads around having a girl, but within a week or two, I was buying pink clothes and spending hours perusing names for you. It wouldn’t be until we had you when we really realized what a blessing it was to have a girl - and your daddy could not stop talking about how happy he was to have daddy's little angel first. 

The First Kick

I felt you kick today. It was amazing. It was light and it happened once then not for a while after that, but I knew without a doubt that it was you and not my stomach. They said it would be like a little fluttering that I would feel first, but that I never noticed anything that I would describe like that. It was definitely a jab. It was the first time that I got really excited about you coming. Up until then I was just very sick so I was more often frustrated with the inconvenience of pregnancy than the excitement of your arrival. Your little kick changed the ball game. It made it real. I wasn’t just sick with the flu - there was a little person inside of me working very hard getting ready to meet me. It really was real.

The Announcement

I had some reservations about making the public announcement. I was so anxious about something going wrong and how it would feel to have to update the world with the bad news. On the other hand, we had been harboring this secret that we were so excited about that we could barely contain ourselves without telling others. At this point, our immediate families and a few friends were the only ones that knew so far, which included: Bridget, Kristin, Kelsey, Sarah, and Bronwyn. A few extras at work also knew because I was getting ultrasounds done for free in the trauma room at 3 or 4 in the morning with some of the nurses. They got to practice their skills while I got to see you for the first few times. I posted a video I captured during one of my first ultrasounds at work. You were jumping up and down and waving your arms. I posted the video with a status saying that Gambit and Dexter were going to be big brothers. The world of facebook was excited and eagerly anticipating your arrival. This also initiated the onslaught of my facebook posting - overposting. If ever there was an annoying mom-to-be that thought everything their body/fetus did was post worthy, it was me! I wanted the world to know about every tiny detail of your prenatal life and wow what a pace I was setting for what would be posted after you were actually here.  

Family Surprise

This Christmas, I had a special surprise for everyone and although Nathan was aware of the plan, even he hadn't gotten the official word from me yet so I wanted to make that moment special too. I had set up a few Christmas presents for us in Austin since I would be working Christmas Eve and he would be going home to Houston before me. We decided we would open a few gifts at “our home” to celebrate together before Nathan left. I decided to wrap up a onesie that said “I’m cute, Mom’s cute, and Daddy’s lucky” with the positive pregnancy test I had taken without telling Nathan. Despite being acutely aware of the possibility, this confirmation made it real and he was super excited. We decided to wait a few days to tell the families when we were both in Houston so it  could be in person. Without telling Nathan, I may have told Aunt Taryn, Aunt Bridget, and Aunt Kristin in advance because I could not hold on to such an exciting piece of news for the few days I had to wait! I finally came home a little late for all of the Christmas celebrations but just in time to deliver the best present to both families. I had probably taken at least ten pregnancy tests by then, but I wanted to be sure despite already being six weeks pregnant and having plenty of positive pregnancy tests to confirm the news. I even took one at Dell Children’s prior to finishing my shift and driving to Houston. I was working an overnight shift in the ER and Nathan was already in Houston. I decided to drive directly to Houston rather than go home and sleep first so after a long 12 hour shift through the night, I caught a second wave of energy with a McDonald’s breakfast taco and hit the road. We went to my house first. I had bought two plaques that said various things about being grandparents and two onesies, similarly suggestive. I had my mom and dad both open the present together. My dad was so not putting two and two together that he just looked at the items and said “very nice”. My mom was immediately confused. Mom was saying “oh funny… thanks”. Then I looked at them again with the “are you really not getting this” face on. And that is when my mom looked at me and said “you’re pregnant?” A similar situation occurred at the Taylor household. Everyone was eager to open the present, but I was getting frustrated when Parker kept pulling at the tissue paper - had he caught an early glimpse the surprise would have been ruined. Nathan’s mom was taking her time and the entire family was getting aggravated with having to wait to open this present - not exactly the best atmosphere to open the present. I think the awkwardness of the situation and the secrecy was not lost on the majority of the family. Everyone seemed to be expecting the news by the time Nathan’s mom finally opened the present. However, just like my parents, Nathan’s mom seemed oblivious to the hints. No, we did not just get them a sign and a onesie for kicks. The real present was the news to which the items alluded. Nathan’s mom read the sign about Grandma’s Kitchen and laughed and then proceeded to take a few minutes before finally catching on. The entire family at this point was staring at her with incredulous faces. Once everyone came to fully understand our gift, Nathan and I realized that we have in the past gotten too much grandparents of puppies gifts for both families as neither realized that we meant a baby and both assumed that the grandparent paraphernalia was a joke related to the dogs. After we all had a good laugh, both families were incredibly happy. I think my parents seemed more shocked while Nathan’s family seemed to not skip a beat – all except for Nathan’s mother who could not stop hugging me and tearing up. At this point for me, it still did not feel real yet. I had not started showing at all, I was not sick yet, and I did not feel any different, but it was nice to start sharing with the family. Your Aunt Taryn and Uncle Chris were so thrilled. I think Taryn cried more than me with the news. This was the beginning. We were so excited.